Hello :)

Mhm remembering was never a favorite part of me being a human being.This time last year i  didn’t really socialize with people not so much now , and i had the people in my flat which mainly was the only social contact i had with people , i saw some Romanian’s at the time i do remember but  didn’t talk to them . I had never felt the reason to  talk to them mainly because most of the experience’s one woman had with Romanians was bad , that was the woman i went to in London 3 years ago all’so what my mother went through with romanian’s working in fields in germany spain .

However i really felt no need to talk to them i was used to English much more then they were since i was  speaking it from 8 years old ,  and was mostly sure they listen to a bad sort of Romanian music one that i hate manea gypsy music.

So for now i won’t speak to them , my way of thinking said , moving on i think i had my first essay which i took recently ok over 40 but that’s the pass limit , never really pushed myself properly to study .  And my birthday came up in November , and i went to Newcastle it was quite shit .

The place i went was a club some where that had a cluster of clubs don’t know where it was   can’t really remember , may had had some fun , had loads of hot girls around me , and  it was still pathetic  , had needed to have fun to socialize with girls to make one laugh to have something good happen on my birthday but nothing  happened really , real like is much more boring then normal for me .

Now was December close to Christmas my laptop was broken , and for some one who barely socialize and i forgot to mention because i couldn’t really spend any money i had limited myself like i did since i was a kid to not spend money on me and have it for tough time. Back to the point it was broke what would i do for 1 month what would i do on Christmas what would i do for new years not even internet nothing at all .

Had i think another week or two i kept going to the library to finish my essay and stuff , left my computer once in the night and then i lost all my work for my essay ,  i did it in 6 hours another 6 were left , being lazy does not help and neither make you happy , anger and the feeling of trying so pathetically at something brought memories from my childhood , the same feelings at the time , also i had felt strange physical my head felt weird and i might have been with a bad cold ( the accommodation for which i paid 89£ a week refused to fix my heater).

I had rewrote it submitted it and went to school and after i had to present some sort of poster . I had mentioned in class that i broke my laptop and i would be thankful to the person who  could lend me one  one woman and one girl said yeah first said shure i think my kid won’t mind for  1 month , while the other said yeah il get it tomorrow . I let a couple of day’s pass by and  the woman said yea yea il get it for you , the girl said what do you want i have things on my mind i forgot it it’s not the first thing i get when i leave the house. Shortly after that i sent her a facebook message  and she didn’t reply  . I was getting desperate as i had no money even to go and drink somewhere i was living at the time with 10 pounds a month for food .

The only thing i had left to do was to leave a status on facebook asking if anyone was willing to borrow me a laptop , one woman said yes from my class when i got to school she gave it to me .

Shortly after class  when i said i will give it back to her as soon as we meet after Christmas she said don’t worry about it it’s your present. I was very happy i had something to watch stuff on and maybe forget a little .

I had mentioned to my flat mates that  i  will move my bed to the living room to sleep , then i was half asleep in the kitchen hearing them ask why would i do that between them , didn’t really bother i had spent the following Christmas and  New Year on the floor in the kitchen on the rug with my duve watching some american show Jon Stewart and maybe some Christmas Movies.

Felt lonely and sad and i remembered some moments of short acceptance in life where i was kind of happy and content with my moment in life while but also remembering how my friends disappointed  me when i wanted to have my birthday somewhere and they just made themselves unavailable, all this while eating my chinese noodels with sweet mustard sauce from aldi and peas .

New Years day was on i felt nothing exactly 6 hours before i was left without internet , and i went to the computer room  . I had no money to go home so then i was stuck in a room streaming something and hearing fireworks and just remembering past experience that’s all that i could do is just relive feelings solid feelings and be unhappy and sad.  I knew it just went away one year of suffering and another came .

Keep posted maybe soon enough il finish this and get you all back to speed 😛 .